Back in March, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor (glioblastoma). Got the surgery, did chemo and radiation. But here’s the real kicker: just one month before that, I’d started a new relationship. The hardest part about dying has been breaking that news to her. I knew it would hurt her, and there are times I wish I’d known just a bit sooner, so maybe I could’ve just ended things quietly instead of putting her through all this. I started to worry she was staying with me for the wrong reasons (maybe just not wanting to leave someone who’s terminal). But I care about her a lot.
Yesterday, she ended things. She told me I’m a great guy and that I deserve so much happiness, that I’d find my ‘someone’ and that she was really sorry. The reality is she’s feeling overwhelmed, and even though she didn’t say it, I know the cancer’s part of it. Was she staying with me because of it? Or did it speed up the end?
So that’s it for me. I don’t plan on getting into another relationship; I won’t put someone else through this. I’m not wealthy, I’m average-looking, and I’m buried in medical and student loan debt. But I’ll keep going as long as I can. I could never quit on her, my family, or anyone else who might end up blaming themselves. My prognosis is awful, so I won’t be here too long.
I’m proud of her. Ending things wasn’t easy. I’ve been through this with friends who’ve had cancer, and it takes a lot of courage. So for anyone in a similar situation: if you’re not in love, it’s okay to leave. And if you’re the one who’s sick, try to be forgiving. It’s not easy for them either. Try not to make them feel guilty. I hope everyone finds a bit of happiness out there. I’m grateful I had this time with her. It was the best relationship of my life, even if it was short. I’ll never get to celebrate a one-year anniversary, so if you can, please go big for yours. People don’t know how lucky they are.
My heart goes out to you, man. This disease is so cruel. Your strength in all this is amazing, and I don’t know if I’d be able to do the same. Wishing you peace.
I was diagnosed with stage 4 in June, been seeing someone since January. He couldn’t handle it… and when one of the tumors fractured my hip, he said he didn’t want a partner who couldn’t keep up with sports, hiking, or even things in the bedroom. It broke me, even though I said I’d understand if he left. It’s just so complicated in my heart and head.
Reading your post made me a bit more at peace with his choice. Acceptance is huge for me right now, and I know you get that. Terminal illness changes everything. But we got to love and be loved, right? That’s what matters.
Totally understand. I’m sure if I asked, my ex would come back to help if I needed it. I could probably use my illness to keep her, but I don’t want that. I want what’s real, and I don’t want her to feel trapped by guilt. I’ve thought about filming a goodbye message for her, but honestly, what could I say that wouldn’t just add more hurt?
Watching friends pass from cancer as a teen helped me come to terms with this. Just remember, you’re not alone.
Not that you asked, but I think the goodbye video is a good idea. It’ll hurt her to watch, but she’d probably appreciate hearing your thoughts, too. I need to start thinking like you. It’s not rejection; it’s an act of love to let go.
Sorry you’re going through this. I’ve got stage 4 too, since December last year. Yesterday I went septic and thought it was the end. I’m still here in the hospital, though, and I guess that’s all I can plan for now—just making it to tomorrow.
Same here. I was already dealing with depression, so in a strange way, knowing I have a set amount of time is almost a relief. I just hate having to spend what’s left worrying about medical debt and other things that suddenly feel pointless.
I get it. I’ve had my dark times too, and trying to stay positive isn’t easy. But I’m not afraid of what’s next anymore. I’ve been lucky with hospitals that helped with the bills, which has been huge. Hang in there, friend.
(Stage 4 BC here). I have so much compassion for you, my friend. I’m sorry you’ve lost such important people in your life. I know I can’t fill that gap, but if you need someone to talk to, I’m here.
Stage 4 lung cancer here, diagnosed last year at 30. While I’m stable now, I know most of my life is behind me. Dating is nearly impossible—how do you ask someone to take this on? My sister keeps joking about making a dating site called ‘TerminalOnly.com.’ It started as a joke, but sometimes I think she’s got a point.
I have stage 4 esophageal cancer, just diagnosed a few weeks ago. I respect your choice to let her go, but maybe you could write her a letter, just a thank-you note. Something she can read when she needs a reminder of the impact she had on you.
The hardest part for me was telling my partner of 8 years. She’s had her own health struggles, and now she’s caring for me. It’s hard, knowing we’ll never get to do all the things we planned. I try to hold on to a saying: ‘It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved.’ I’m grateful for every moment.