@Brianna
You do realise ants are the #1 predator on the planet right ?
Indy said:
@Brianna
You do realise ants are the #1 predator on the planet right ?
Hmm… I suppose they’re the most successful keystone predators by worldwide biomass. I’d need to hear a couple more reasons to accept them as the overall #1. Give me some metrics by which you would determine this.
@Brianna
But why??? Why were there so many ants in your bum??? I have so many questions. If you care to answer a few, how long were passed out for? Where did that many ants come from? While i realize ants are small and can get in your clothes, what clothes, if any, were you wearing?
Okay, I’m struggling with it, but I will make myself stop there. And, in all seriousness, I hope you’re okay now.
@Brianna
My husband wants to know how the ant thing happened. Where were you that you were swarmed by ants upon passing out? And they went in your asshole? If you’re laying down, in what position is your asshole exposed? Did they crawl into your pant leg and into your underwear? These are his questions
@Luca
I live alone, so I’m often unclothed. It’s just comfortable to be naked in sunny Southern California because it gets hot here. It’s not part of an ethos like nudism or anything. I just don’t have to be polite most of the time. So that’s one part of it.
More importantly I’m dying of multiple organ failure. The ant incident happened during a kidney incident. I had a blockage which included some kidney stones, but also some tissue which caused enough pain to make me lose consciousness when I passed it. I got about ten feet from the bathroom after dealing with that and collapsed. My sphincter relaxed, my mouth was open, and the rest was shutting down. Obviously I wouldn’t know any of that unless it was for the ants being inside my body when I regained consciousness. I wasn’t there for any of it.
This is a horrible and depressing story because I’m only thirty five years old and facing mortality in a way that most people don’t have to until their seventies. However! There’s a bright spot or two in this, and one of them is very appropriate for this sub. Bengal cats are very smart, and I have a super Bengal. Most bengals are half tree leopard and half Egyptian mau. Mine is half Bengal and half tree leopard. So he’s three quarters leopard. That SOB bit and clawed me until I woke up. It’s not the first time he’s given me an assist. Once he gave me CPR. No joke. He actually helped me recover from cardiac arrest by jumping on my chest.
That’s irrelevant to the ant story, but it’s the animal sub so I gotta get the animals in there. So the ants figured I was dead. If your butthole opens up in the way it does when you’re dying critters are gonna notice because they can smell it. A line of ants just started crawling into me. Ass, nose, mouth, ears, eyes. This is where the cat comes in. He hates ants.
A little bit about my cat: I got stuck with him because no one can handle him and I’m decent at training animals. He’s straight up wild and if you look up his breed google doesn’t give you a list of places he’s legal to have. It just has a single sentence. “Illegal in most places.” Ants like cat food. Cats don’t like ants in their cat food and my cat happens to be one of the more badass types of cats.
So while I’m dying and being eaten alive on the floor, a tree leopard is biting and clawing me out of concern and batting at the ants which does do enough to get me awake. And if it’s not enough insanity for you, the person who came to pick me up off the ground used to be an associate of Suge Knight. What we would call an OG.
So there you go. I got partially eaten by ants, rescued by a jungle cat and a gangster, and had a shot of whiskey before I went to the hospital.
@Brianna
Pro tip: if you have something truly insane happen to you, frame it well when you tell people. There can be a delay in necessary care if you’re fixated on the strangeness of what happened rather than what you need.
@Brianna
I’m so sorry to hear all of this happened to you, and I hope you have success on the transplant list! I stumbled across your comment since it involved bengals, and just wanted to point out that most bengals aren’t “half tree leopard and half Egyptian mau”. That would be an F1 foundation cat, whereas the bengal breed as it’s known is at least 4 generations removed from the closest Asian Leopard Cat wild ancestor. Most bengals are only about 1-3% ALC dna rather than 50%. Based on photos of your adorable kitty, I can confidently say he’s NOT “…half Bengal and half tree leopard. So he’s three quarters leopard.” Additionally, Google may have led you astray, because bengals aren’t illegal in most places. There are a couple cities and one state (Hawaii) in the U.S. where they’re illegal, but they’re completely legal everywhere else and are classified as domestic cats.
@Blake
Huh. Well it doesn’t matter much to me. I just got left with a cat I was only supposed to train for a few days. Someone paid $20,000 for him because they certainly believed he was very exotic. I got him for free and it turned out to be a life saving decision to keep him. A fun little detail is that the gangster in that kidney story absolutely loves the cat and he doesn’t say “exotic animal. “He says “that ain’t no normal cat! He’s an erotic cat!” Because of this misnomer the younger, more active gangsters on the block refer to him as an erotic animal. It makes me smile every time.
@Brianna
Gotcha, I was just trying to clarify some misinformation (both for yourself and the sake of not spreading misinformation about the breed). I also suspect the person you got him from was either lying to you and massively exaggerating, or the most gullible person on the planet, because even F1’s (which your kitty isn’t) don’t cost $20k. He’s pet quality and would be around $2k if he’s registered (obviously less if not).
@Blake
Yeah. I don’t understand anything about breeding bengals or what that culture and the expense is all about. The only pets I’ve ever purchased or known anything about the provenance of are fish because it’s hard to keep a balanced aquarium. Cats and dogs and horses and tortoises just seem to come my way and I place them after I straighten them out. The Bengal saved my life, though, so he’s staying until my medical stuff gets bad enough that I have to place him.
I’m happy to report that he already has a nice family willing to take him in if my medical stuff gets too bad. Their little girl thinks he’s the prettiest thing in the world and hugs him like a rag doll. It makes me laugh. She’ll never know about the huge amount of drama he caused with his claws and teeth.
@Brianna
For the ones that eat protein, it’s their job to eat dead stuff. Come on, he’s just a guy doing his job!
Finley said:
@Brianna
For the ones that eat protein, it’s their job to eat dead stuff. Come on, he’s just a guy doing his job!
You’re about two degrees off from a decent joke about being eaten alive by ants. Give it another shot.
I’m gonna go with ants. They always seems to pick the wrong spot to make their hills…straight in the middle of the roots of some expensive plants that ends up dying because of them.
Every trick in the book to get rid of them without using poison have failed so far. And I dont want to use poison because there is a moma Northern Flicker that nest near my home. They eat ants and I don’t want to risk poisoning her or her babies.
@Abi
Maybe adopt an aardvark or a pangolin to help with the ants
@Abi
Have you tried diatomaceous earth? I get sugar ants really bad. I had a plant sitting on my floor. One that is usually really hard to kill. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with it. I like to give my plants a good soaking every couple months. More than just the regular watering. Will this time ants just can’t pouring out when I soaked it. Stupid ants killed my plant making it their home. I noticed ants were starting to bother my outdoor planters and heard about the diatomaceous earth. Sprinkled that on there and didn’t have any more problems. It’s safe around pets too.
If that’s a fire ant then that. I was clearing a beach of litter in Thailand & one attached itself to my finger. They really hurt, couldn’t get it off.
Hollis said:
If that’s a fire ant then that. I was clearing a beach of litter in Thailand & one attached itself to my finger. They really hurt, couldn’t get it off.
They hurt in a surprising way. Way worse than a bee sting.
@Ash
I didn’t pick up any more litter after that!
I don’t hate animals, they all have a purpose here with us. That being said, I don’t neccessarily find ants or scorpions to be cute and cuddly like the puppy. I think each creature is very uniquely adapted to its environment and worthy of respect, if not admiration.
Us? :'D
Everything else is pretty much innocent